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I love my child! I love our children! BUT I wish Bailey would have come a little later in our relationship. Don’t get me wrong if someone told me I could do it again but Bailey wouldn’t be my child, I would do it all the SAME WAY! Most of you know our story and amazingly enough it worked with us, but everyone doesn’t get “lucky”. Relationships take work. Being a parent is stressful and takes a lot of work.
First Comes Love
As I stated above, relationships take work. It takes two to make a baby. Let’s be honest with ourselves, it would be best for both parents to be there. I grew up with both parents in the household, they are still together. But, I had/have plenty of friends that did not have both in the same household. Some didn’t spend time or even see their fathers/mothers. Having a partner/spouse that you love and want to spend the rest of time with is the perfect feeling. Waiting until you are married to have children of course is a no-brainer when it comes to choice. I didn’t follow my own advice obviously, but I’m so happy it worked in our favor. Love is important factor.
When you have found that one you want to spend you life with, you need to be on one accord. We had the conversation because that’s something you do when you are getting to know someone. You know, the “do you want children” question. To be honest, I don’t remember what his answer was. I know my answer was I wanted children, but not at the moment. I was still trying to have fun here and there and kick it. But you need to know how the other feels about children AND when they want to have them. This SHOULD be discussed before marriage of course. It doesn’t mean that after marriage you don’t change your mind on children and when they should happen. But you should know how your significant other feels. It should be a joint decision on when you start your family together.
Love nourishes relationships and families. You take on certain obstacles in life that you wouldn’t normally do for others, that you do for someone you love. Love helps when you both have had a sleepless night (because they come before the baby gets here and after) or when one side doesn’t feel the love due to being in the house with a child while the other goes to work. Love helps to push you through times when all you have is love to hold on to the relationship. Not saying you only have a baby when there is love between two people. It’s plenty of people having children without it, and the world continues.
Then Comes Marriage
So you love them. You’ve had the talk about wanting children and when to have them. The step to unite in holy matrimony has happened. The honeymoon was great and you come back home and BOOM! Your spouse is ready to start a family, but you’re not. This is difficult and will definitely cause some issues with you both. A serious conversation needs to be had and it needs to happen when you both can handle it without anger. Frustration can happen because this “topic” changes your life forever. You both agreed to a timeframe for children, and now they want to change this. Change can be good or bad in this case.
Your marriage and how it is going in that moment you decide to have children will dictate everything in your marriage. The hormones will take over and your great, wonderful marriage can sometimes demote to an okay marriage. There will be stressors that happen between the two of you. Make sure that your marriage is where you want it to be. Bringing a human in the world complicates things, it doesn’t make it better. So just be ready to handle what goes on through pregnancy and after. Make sure you both understand what is going to happen when you decide to have a baby. Your time that you have with each other, cut. Time with your friends, cut. Your time to yourself, CUT.
Then Comes You with a Baby Carriage
The uncomfortable nights when you can’t lay the way you are used to laying to the nights where the baby is finally here and won’t go to sleep because they haven’t learned day and night yet. Oh wait, if you are a breastfeeding mom you don’t want to give the baby a bottle due to making sure they latch correctly and you are the only one up every two hours in the beginning. Mom is up because dad isn’t on maternity/paternity leave and you’ve been up with the baby all day, still haven’t taken a shower in 3 days, and you haven’t ate since yesterday. Yeah those are scenarios moms go through.
Let’s not leave the dads out. You haven’t gotten a cooked meal in a month. Sex is null and void, and even when you thought you were going to get some because the baby is down, your wife is sleep before you get back in the room. Your boys are going out and your at home watching the baby.
Having a child interrupts what you have known as a schedule. Your life now belongs to someone else, and they can’t even talk to tell you what’s going on. Friends without kids stop calling you to hang because you’ve told them you can’t once or twice. You find yourself constantly talking about your child because that’s who you spend most of your time with, when you do go out. You have to get used to it.
The Set-Up
Having a baby to keep someone doesn’t work. Having a baby doesn’t help your marriage. Babies are a blessing. But these blessings require each party to take responsibility, whether together or not. Don’t rush into the idea of having a family because you see others having babies and it looks like fun and games. Take your time enjoy each other, there is no need to rush things. YOU and YOUR significant other are on your time, not the time of anyone else. Don’t allow mama, daddy, grandmother, grandfather, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends etc. to rush you because they want to know “When ya’ll gone start having babies?”. The answer is when “WE” get ready and not a moment sooner. It’s your life not theirs and they need to be reminded sometimes.
The Take-Away
Having a baby isn’t something you just wake up and decide you want to do. Children cost money. It’s the best job that I have ever been given, but its not an easy one. If you can wait, wait; BUT that’s if you want to. Just make sure that you are ready for the responsibilities that come with being a parent.