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How are you doing?
NO! Like seriously, how are you doing? This time has been a little crazy for me. Sometimes I'm completely fine with being at home and being the introvert that I am. And other times I feel anxiety kick in, and I'm completely overwhelmed.
Let me be completely honest...
I'm happy for this time to be home, but I think at least 3 days a week I'm just going through the motions. I feel as though I'm not doing enough. I'm not working enough, I'm not promoting my business enough. I'm not being a good wife enough, nor a good mother. And let's not calculate the fact that teaching Bailey will still take place all summer long in order for me to make sure she has learned the skills she didn't get during this time. Everywhere you turn someone is saying something about making sure you are using this time to learn something new. Or what are you using with this time at home? Can we just stop for a second and realize that people are dying at high rates everyday from something that can be slowed by staying at home?
My mind was already like an internet browser with 198203247 tabs open at all times. And I feel as if majority of what comes out of my mouth or face is only the first 100. So you all have to bear with me in this post because I haven't been able to let out everything since being at home.
I'm like millions that will have a change in their financials because of this time we are in. I work for a non-profit. Well when people aren't working and the stocks aren't great, donors don't give. Trying to rethink financials and increase flow from Rhea Aligned before I thought I had to is scary for me. I wasn't planning on doing certain things to help my business grow until end of 2020 beginning of 2021, but here I am pivoting.
When it comes to parenting, I can feel that she is feeling the shift going on. She's not wanting to do much (meaning she wants to be on the phone and play video games all day). Her sleep schedule, like most of us, is completely off track. I'm mean if she's sleep by midnight, it's a great night. She's also wanting to sleep in the bed with us even more lately. WHICH MEANS....
We don't have time to just be to ourselves anymore. I honestly can't remember the last time we had a real conversation and just chilled together. It's like we are all on computers all day with work and school. We are figuring out what to eat or cooking, and then everyone goes to their corners to decompress the day and then to bed. I will say I miss going out and having someone to keep her, here and there so that we could have time to ourselves. Even writing this, I don't think I've stopped and had a conversation with my husband on how he's feeling about things. He's the extrovert and I know it's harder on him to not be able to be around people.
I guess I'm saying all of this to say. I'm going to be checking back in with my therapist more because this is hard on people. If someone crosses your mind, check on them. Let them know you thought about them. Plan those 30 billion Zoom calls to get some interaction with people outside of your home. Drop off a pick me up to a friend. Bailey received a "hug" from someone in the neighborhood the other day. We have to learn how to come together in different ways in order to remain sane! Love you all and be safe out there!
*I wrote this in May ya'll. And I'm trying to write someone on what's going on currently, but I'm just not there yet.