.png)
Bible Study was rough on your girl. We dealt with a heavy topic: FORGIVENESS! It's not an easy task when you dig into it. While dealing with the reasons we should forgive, what it really looks like, what happens when and after you forgive, I've realized there were more issues I had to deal with. I made a list of people I needed to forgive and those that I wanted to forgive me. As we closed out the year, I knew it was going to take me a little longer to get through this.
What does this mean?
We shut down for a bible study sabbatical before Thanksgiving. So I've had some time to think and I've gotten to the point where I don't want to hold on to anything or anyone becuase of forgiveness, well unforgivness. So I want to publicly say to anyone that may read this post, that may hear about this post, and whatever else may happen as an effect of this post, I want to apologize to you and ask for forgivness. I may or may not know what I did to you, but please know I'm truly asking for forgiveness. As we age, we shoudl want to be better, and I'm truly wanting to be a better person for my soul's sake if nothign else. I've been told I'm very blunt at times and say whatever comes up and out (also been told I get it honestly). But I'm working on the impact my thoughts and words have on people. Again, I apologize and ask for forgiveness.
For those that were on my list, I forgive you. You may or may not have known that I've held on to something that caused me to have grudges/animosity towards you. Life has taught me plenty. One thing that life has surely taught me more lately is that life is shorter than we think it will be. I'm not holding on to anything that isn't harming me or my family.
What does this have to do with the New Year "Resolution"?
While digging in and doing work, I realized some of the people and things I needed to forgive held me back from being free from my spirituality as a whole, my connection to God. A lot of tradition and things taught have held me back from being able to experience Him and serve Him like I wanted to, like I should be able to experience and serve.
Our church goes on a fast each year collectively, like many others. I started thinking about what I wanted to "give up" this year. I honestly couldn't think of anything that held real value until I went "outside the box". I'm giving up the things that have held me back from having a full relationship with God. For me that looks like digging deeper into my studying and spending intentional and intimate time with God. Allowing myself to come out of my comfort zone behind closed doors AND out in the open is going to be difficult in the beginning, yet I feel it is necessary. My parents had a great relationship with God, and I know it because it was visible when they were here. It's even eveident now with the way people still tell stories about them. And let me be the first to say I want to see my family member again!
Fresh Start
Is it a fresh start in the same sense normally used for a new year resolution? No. But it is a fresh start in my walk with God and self. I'm excited, nervous, a little scared, but overall I feel a weight already being lifted because I'm deciding to do this. I'm doing it for not only me, I hope to create a healthy relationship that our children can see and allow them to learn and not have to be healed.
As always I'll updated you all along this journey.
