Losing my mom has left me ... speechless; I don't have words to describe the feeling. Being an only child and losing a mother makes it even worse. My mom was amazing, and most would say that they were being bias, BUT those that know her know I'm not. She really was amazing. So this may be a little long, and it will not be the first blog post about her. I'm writing these so that others understand they aren't alone out there. I've gotten many texts and DMs from those going through it but many don't say anything in a public space. I started writing a letter to my mother that I wanted to put into her obituary, but couldn't push myself to finish it in time. So I decided I'd share it here.
Letter to my mother, Gloria D. Turntine
I truly can't find the words to fully articulate the appreciation and love I have for you. You were the epitome of what every great mother should be, what every wife wants to be, the dreams of the best grannies, and the poster child to being a true friend and Christian. Your patience was unmatched, your strength incomparable; your support was unparalleled, humility like no other, but most of all your love was unconditional. Many people knew you in their own special ways, but it wasn't the way I knew you. The relationship we had wasn't one that could be compared to anyone else. Ma, you were ALWAYS there whenever anyone needed you, but especially whenever I needed you. Your smile will always be etched in my mind. Your voice still rings in my ears. Your signature stride that possessed so much grace and commanded the attention of those near will be a goal of mine to try and fill your shoes. I have always tried to imitate these ways of life of yours for years. I know deep down you were made perfect just for me. Gloria D. Turntine, you guided me the best you could while still on this earth, but now I know the the angel that I have gained will guide me from a far. Your new soft and gentle voice will take some time to learn to distinguish, but I know that you aren't going anywhere because you will always be near to me. I'll have so many things that will remind me that you are with me. Every mole that graces my body will remind me of you. Every time someone says I'm talking to fast will remind me of the many times people asked ,"Where is your mother from?" because they said you had an accent from the islands. When your Bailey Boo says something she wants I'll remember you saying, get it for my baby or make sure she looks cute. You've taught me so much, even when there wasn't a formal lesson. I'm trying to figure out the ways you did all, because you made motherhood look so easy. You did so much for everyone around you, not just family. The flood of stories of times you took time out of your schedule to assist someone in ways big or small astonishes me. I never felt like you were doing more for others than me, but it seems you touched them all the same. That's why you were such an amazing wife, granny, mother-in-law, friend, church member, co-worker, but for me an amazing mom. Life without you here on this earth will be hard and adjustments will have to be made daily, but we will take it a moment at a time, a tear at a time, a scream/yell at a time and be here for each other. I'm thankful to have been so blessed to call you my mother and, although you always said I wasn't, my friend. Better yet my best friend.