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Birthday Blues

Updated: Apr 3, 2020

It’s My Birthday!

Yes today is my birthday. I am blessed to see another year. My health is near great. Our family is great and I couldn’t ask for anything better. Yet I still feel something isn’t completely fulfilled. It’s the second year my husband hasn’t been here on my actual birthday due to work. And being honest, spending the day with him and Bailey is the only thing I wanted. I’ll get Bailey from school after we will eat my birthday cupcake that they got me on yesterday and we will enjoy it over FaceTime with him. He made sure to celebrate my birthday with me before he left, which means so much to me. (I have some good reads that he gifted that I can’t wait to read, and will actually start on one today.)

But this isn’t why I’m blue on my birthday. I have let myself down for so long and I can’t continue to do so. I have allowed my fears to control my life. But as of today, I can’t and won’t allow this to happen. In this year, my Chapter 29 will be Day One instead of One Day for me. So this is a post to help hold me accountable for everything I want to break free from. I have you all watching as my accountability partners.

1. Get Closer to God

I have to get back to where I used to be, and surpass that. My journey with Him isn’t where I want it to be in my life right now. I envisioned being the young couple at my Baptist church that was over the Youth Department and all the kids came to our house. Let me be the first to tell you, that ain’t happening nor is it close to happening. I used to send out a weekly devotional to those in my circle. And recently it came back up, and I fussed with myself for a while on starting it back up. But to do so, I need to get myself to a place where I feel I’m able to share. But I know what I need to so, and I have to make time for it. No more excuses.

2. Stop Planning my life so much

I’ve always had a plan of what I wanted for my life. I mean who doesn’t. But I’ve allowed myself to get too stuck in that plan. Of course I’ve “checked off” a few of my life goals. I’m married to a wonderful man, I gave birth to an amazing child, we’ve purchased our first home etc have all been checked off, but my list has grown and I have honestly become overwhelmed with trying to keep up with my list. This list that was created based on other people and their lives isn’t my life. Why should I base my life off of their accomplishments?

3. Travel More

I see people having the time of their lives going here and there. I’ve allowed another fear to control me from being able to travel to certain places I would love to go. Well this year it’s not going to stop me. I plan to be in Cuba in 2019, so I will start small and work my way there. Passport appointment will be made this month, and I’m ready to go. (Anyone wanting to give please let me know, I’m laughing but so serious!) I have to start somewhere. Not saying that I’m just going to dive right in going everywhere in the world (you’ll find out why in a second), but no more tip-toeing. Instagram will see if first! lol

4. Break Free From my fear of Flying

Okay, I am terrified of flying. Like I start freaking out when I’ve flown three times I believe my entire life. I’m kind of old school in my thinking. If I was supposed to fly, God would have given me wings. But to add more travels to my life, I’m going to kind of need to get on a plane. Of course I want to travel with my family, but they are horrible at helping. Kwele normally falls asleep before take-off and Bailey wants to look at the window the entire time. I feel every pocket of air, and pray I never hear someone say something about turbulence I’m ready for the bags to fall out the air for me to breathe into lol. I have to do what has to be done to to make memories.

5. Becoming Financially Fit

I would like to be able to go anywhere or buy anything when I want. But to do so, I need to get myself together. I plan to do so by not only putting myself on a budget, but adhering to the budget. That’s my main downfall, I will plan out a budget and within a month or so it’s out the door. I need to stick to it and realize that it’s for my benefit and my family.

6. Spend more time with family

I spend time with family all the time, but I want to spend more quality time with my family. I want to spend time making memories. Once time has passed, it’s gone and those memories can’t come back. I want to put as much emphasis into our normal life as I do with the holidays. It doesn’t take a lot to make children happy. When we were in Cincinnati, I think we did more and spent more time as a family doing those types of things. We would go to the Farmer’s Market or down by the river. It was memories like those that didn’t cost a dime but Bailey still remembers and talks about.

7. Get Healthier

I hear time and time again, “But you’re so skinny.” Let me tell you something I am completely out of shape. I’m breathing heavy on each trip up stairs. Ya’ll it’s only like 13 steps. I am vowing to make healthier food choices not just now but throughout the year. Anyone who knows me knows I HATE working out. My workouts normally consist of walking to the refrigerator and back to the bed, to the car from my room, from the office to the parking garage, you get the picture. But I have been to Zumba twice this year! I mean like left the house in the cold to drive 15 minutes away to get there. But I’m dedicated right now, and I have others that are holding me accountable. It always helps when you have a friend working out with you as well, and I have a group with me.

8. Continue to blog

Blogging has been a bit therapeutic for me. It has allowed me to share my opinions, life, DIYs, etc with you all. I’m sure there are some people out there that judge everything I post, BUT I’m completely fine with that. I didn’t do this for them, I do this for me. The little comments that encourage me to keep going bless me tremendously. It let’s me know that not only are you all reading what I’m writing but it touches you as well. Learning to Have Sex with my Husband was the most read blog post to date. I’ve tried to write a blog to outdo or keep up the momentum from this, and it didn’t work. It didn’t work because it wasn’t forced. I have to write what feels right to me. So I hope you’ll stick around and continue to read my blog post.

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