I have been reminded so many times over the last 10-15 days to check on the strong ones in your friends. It has resonated with me so much. I honestly feel I held that title for so long with some of my friends. Who does the strong friend go to when they know all their other friends are going through stuff of their own? Who do they call? How are they dealing with the feelings of needing someone? Who is the strong friend in your group?
So many times you come to your strong friend with your problems and issues. You constantly release all the problems that are going on in your world. They are your therapist even if you actually go see a licensed professional. This friend has all the answers to all of your problems you feel. If you know that they will answer their phone at any time that you call and not bat an eye, they are probably your strong friend. You never know or see of anything in their life that may be wrong. It seems they don’t have any real issues. You always see a smile on their face. They are stable in their spiritual, emotional, financial, physical, etc. lives in it’s what you want. You want to be around it because if you can just be in their presence you feel you will have the same “luck” they have. If you aren’t the person I was talking about, then you are the friend.
It’s okay to be the friend of the strong friend. But remember they are going through the same issues and problems you are going through. The difference is, they deal with it on the outside better. You don’t know the pain they go through because they have to be the person to hold everyone else up when they are down and have no one to talk to.
The Strong Friend
Life of the Party
Everyone wants you around. They want you at every event. You hide the pain in various ways to make sure that everyone sees the person that they are used to seeing and love. No one truly knows what’s going on in your life. The one person who may know doesn’t always understand because they see the person that everyone else sees and thinks you have it under control. What you see isn’t always what you get, or in this case how you feel.
Behind the Scenes
To the strong friends out there, please stop and take time for yourself. You have to be self-aware and make sure you take time to replenish yourself. Being the friend that everyone goes to can be draining whether you want to admit it or not. You have to not only be the support for them and bring them back to a healthy relationship with themselves, others, etc., but you also have to hide what you are going through. How many times have you been in a situation where you wanted to give up and throw away the towel, but your friend called? She and her boyfriend are going through something and she immediately goes into her issues as soon as you say hello and she asks are you busy!
As the strong friend you need time to yourself for self-care. It can be something as easy as 30 minutes alone a day to meditate. But the moments are being in the bathroom/shower crying or going off on people because you have reached a boiling point for the day and have nowhere to turn is over. Being the strong one you tend to lose your potential at times and feel like you aren’t worthy or worth the life you are living. You second guess ideas that you have had for a months and even years. And it’s all because it seems no one cares about what you have going on in your life.
The True Story
But guess what! You are worth it. You may be the strong friend, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t worthy. When you stop and think about it everyone sees something in you. They see that you have something special that you don’t see in yourself. They get that you are the person to hold on to what they are telling you, not being judgmental in your reaction.
Most of the “strong friends” are those that tell their friends the truth when asked, but do it with love and support them no matter what. Majority of the “strong friends” are those that have a good sense of self and call out the rose-colored glasses some see through. The “strong friend” is truly the stronger person because of past and present and their friends see this and know that they have someone they can count on.
But even a superhero needs a break. Even God rested on the seventh day. You need a break. Shut down for a few days. My husband tells me all the time that he doesn’t understand how I can go days and weeks without talking to certain people. Sometimes I just need a break to reevaluate myself. I have some friends that can do this a lot better than I can. Once in particular will text and let me know she’s taking a sabbatical and that she is still alive and okay so I don’t look for her on social media. But you need to listen and hone into your limits of what you can and can’t take.
So in the end, please check on your friends! Strong ones need you just as much as those that you may worry about a little more on a day-to-day basis. A simple check in, a note or message to say I’m thinking about you, allows that friend to know you do care. You may not have the answers to problem your strong friend has, BUT listening means the world. Take the time to express here and there how they make an impact on you. They truly feel they are just being a friend. But knowing that someone appreciates you being a great friend means a lot to them.
I hope this helps someone check in on their friends. We all need friends, and just one can make a difference in someone else’s life.