Okay, it’s been said a million times before. After a recent conversation with my cousin, who didn’t want to be a guest blogger, but instead told me to just write it, we have to revisit this topic. The “Natural Hair isn’t for everyone” conversation people are voicing, but especially men.
Let’s be clear being natural isn’t an easy task. It takes lots of time and dedication for this journey. By being natural you don’t allow chemicals to change the texture of my hair. I allow it to come from my crown in the way that the good Lord has placed it. Our hair is going to show us the exact the way it is supposed to grow from our crown. Now let me say this before I go anywhere else: It is a choice to be natural just as well as it is a choice not to be. So with it being a choice allow me to explain this choice to some of our men.
Natural Ain’t For Everyone
I hate hearing some men tell people this. You are telling me that the way my hair grows out of my head, isn’t for me? Newsflash!!! Your hair grows from your head naturally! You go get your hair cut every week or two weeks or whenever you go, but it’s the hair that comes from your head. Everyone doesn’t have that naturally curly, silky hair. Some of us have hair that grows “kinkier” than others. Which is where this argument comes from. I say the kinkier the hair the more they want to stare. Some men have voiced that they only want to see natural hair from women whose natural hair is more appeasing to society.
The conversation that my cousin and I had made her more upset than me. She has that naturally curly hair that make many ask, “What are you mixed with?” The person she was having the conversation with starting talking about how some women don’t need to go natural because everyone doesn’t have hair that is pleasing to eye to sum it up. These men that we have seen as Kings are allowing society and their perception of what we should look like to turn away from us. We have permed, straightened, weaved, braided, and anything else to keep our hair to the standards that make people comfortable. Guess what?! We ain’t going anywhere.
Why “you” Men Need to sat down
Men, as black women we have defending you all in every way and walk of life. On the totem pole of where we stand with America we are at the bottom. White male, Black male, white female, black female. Yet you don’t always hold us to the same level of royalty as we do to you. Something as simple as our hair, the thing that makes us different from others, you are bashing. We are learning self-love. From our head to our toes. By you constantly pushing us down and telling us that it’s not for everyone, you are showing not only us, but others in America that we aren’t even good enough for you. If we aren’t good enough for you, we definitely aren’t good enough for them in any aspect. I’m not telling you not to have an opinion. I’m saying we get enough bashing from our other Kings that don’t believe we are suitable as companions because we are too strong. Yet, we have had to be strong to help raise so many of your kings and queens due to society.
Support Your Princesses and Queens
Which brings me to my next soap box. The decision has been made, they are natural. You may have met them this way or they have decided to do this after you have met. There is a reason behind the change to transition to natural. Be a positive force for her. I went natural because my hair was falling out, and I felt it was because of the chemicals. I was in the beauty shop every week, wash and sets every week, and once a month it was perm time. Sometimes depending on how “nappy” my hair was it may have been every 3 weeks. Needless to say, I have my edges.
But just to let your girlfriend, sister, mother, daughter, wife, grandmother, etc. that they are beautiful in their naturalness in whatever form they decide to wear it in. Everyone doesn’t wear their curls, there are a lot of women who are natural that get their hair straightened with non-chemical techniques. But for those that decide to do so, allow them to embrace themselves. It’s hard being a woman of color, and raising one is harder. Tell them they are beautiful and that their hair is a part of them. Let them know that their decision to stay true to them doesn’t make them less attractive, yet it makes them stronger!
We are Here to Stay
You can’t walk into a venue, office, restaurant, building and not see one natural haired woman. We are in corporate America at every turn, we are on national TV and not just in Black sitcoms, we are the leading roles of shows and head anchors. My curls may be tight when wet, and kinkier once they’ve dried. BUT it’s mine! My daughter has very thick, gorgeous locks that grow from her hair, and she’s proud of her Magic Puffballs. She even thinks that they really do give her an extra dose of #BlackGirlMagic! You don’t have to like it, and we are okay with that! But just know that the hair that grows from our head is naturally for us. Most of us are fine with you not liking the way we look, the others don’t give a flying flip. We don’t ask you to change, so don’t tell us to. Find someone who attracts you and leave it at that.