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Learning How to Say Yes to Sex with my Husband

Growing up your typical Southern Baptist Church/Household all you hear is no to sex before marriage. I’m definitely not going to sit here and even pretend that I waited. If most of you have looked at my bio and read about how old Bailey is, you will understand this. Bailey was supposed to be the flower girl to our wedding, but that’s a different story. I knew I wasn’t supposed to have sex before marriage, but of course being the young teen/adult you make your own rules. But who teaches you to say yes to your husband AFTER you get married. Not the people telling you to say no until then.

Before Marriage

I had Bailey before Kwele and I were married. Things went very fast in our relationship. We were technically parents before we were good friends. We went from acquaintances, to friends, to parents, to fiance, to married. It’s like in my head I literally knew sex before marriage was against everything I had been taught growing up. Yet because of society and how we live, it felt perfectly normal. I mean of course, Bailey was created and born before we became an official couple. My mind had been accustomed to the fact that what I was doing, wasn’t right but it was okay. I mean hey, one sin isn’t greater than the other right!

I’s Married Now

I felt bad for the first year at least when having sex with my husband whenever he wanted it. It’s not because anything was different, but that was just it; NOTHING WAS DIFFERENT! I felt weird having sex with him as my husband. That’s because I was having sex with him BEFORE he was my husband. Our titles changed, which meant that things just got real. As a child/teen I only heard, don’t have sex until your married. But I never heard them tell me what to do and how I would feel if I did wait. As an adult I now wish that those that told me wait, actually kept it real with me. I wish they would have told me why waiting was truly good for me. Telling me to perks of waiting, not just the same wait or you’re going to hell.

If I were to go back and talk to my younger self it would be the following:

  • One main reason is that it’s something that was created to bring you two as one in the physical sense. There is a sense of connection when you give of yourself to another person.

  • The next thing I was say to myself is, it’s okay to be different from those around you. You waited longer than a lot of your friends, you could have and should have waited longer. If they don’t want to stick around until you marriage, than they weren’t meant for you in the first place.

  • Learn about sex on your own from the Bible. The Bible is a love story that is beautifully told. So of course it will mention sex with your spouse and it teaches you so much that those that are trying to scare you away from it won’t.

Sex and Marriage

The first thing that I realized when I had this issue was I needed to do something, so I did the only thing I knew to do. I went to my Bible app and search devotions on sex. I mean hey, my religion is one reason I felt sort of weird having sex with my husband. As I was reading the devotional by ,that I found on the Bible App, the first thing they said to do was pray for my sex life. Scratch that the said for us to pray for our sex life.

Now I didn’t go to my husband about this, because I felt it was just an issue I was dealing with because obviously he wasn’t having a problem coming to me about this. But I realized with just me praying on this issue I began to feel at ease with being intimate with my husband. It wasn’t always just sexual intimacy, but it allowed me to open myself up a bit more to communicate on levels of intimacy.

Continuous Prayer

I still continue to pray over different aspects of our relationship, sex still being one. I fell off once or twice before but I have realized that just because something is going good doesn’t mean you stop praying for it. You want that job or that new house, you pray for it. You although we tend to stop praying over it once we receive it, we have to continue to pray that that job we wanted prospers. Pray for those around you at work, whether you like them or not. These things and/or people in situations that we have asked for evolve over time and you have to continue to pray.

So I say to all those that aren’t married, those that are, those that have been, pray over the things that want to prosper in your life. Whether they are prospering as you read this or not. Power of the tongue is strong.

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