Updated: Apr 4, 2020
Friendships are an amazing part of life. Friends get you through a lot of ups and downs. Friendships can also harm your marriage. I talked about friendships in my Friends post. True friendships are rare. But how do you separate your friendships that are toxic for your marriage? Do you separate from them at all? What would you do? How do you feel about being married with friends? What’s the difference between single friends and married friends?
Single Friends, Married Life
So we both have single friends. We had them before our relationship. But the one thing that I tried to do was make my friends aware to both parties. I can’t stand being out and see someone say hey this is my friends so and so, and their significant other looks lost. You can tell that they have never heard this persons name at all. It gets a lot worse when it’s a friend of the opposite sex. I feel like all my “friends” should at least be mentioned once or twice while ya’ll have been together. Other than that, they shouldn’t be introduced as a friend but an associate, classmate, co-worker, etc.
Pros of Single Friends
Although single friends can be a con, and I’ll speak on that in a little. We both have friends that have been around of both sex the entire time we have known each other. Some of them have been beneficial to our marriage. He has two friends that he considers brothers and so do I. They have stepped up and helped out when asked. I couldn’t imagine our relationship working without them at times. I have friends that are single that understand the dynamics of our marriage. See the thing about having single friends while married, is them having the knowledge and understanding that you are no longer single. Your spouse is connected to you, they are no longer a part of you, that you can just let go when you want to.
Single friends that understand this, help to keep you spicy. They allow you to keep up with everything that is going on in the world outside of your marriage. Sometimes being out with them makes you realize how lucky you are to have someone to go home to at the end of the night. How you go out with them from time to time, but being at home with your husband would’ve been even better. They grow with you and your marriage.
Cons of Single Friends
Well the obvious is, they don’t always get that you are married. Pushing and pulling for you to continue to do the things that you did before getting married. Staying up and kicking it 3 or 4 times a week, hitting up Happy Hours 5 days a week, etc. They don’t want to give up the fact that your lifestyle is no longer the lifestyle you used to share. They get to the point where they sometimes don’t respect your marriage and when it comes to that place in your friendship, it’s time to let it go. There are times when you need to vent, you can’t vent to these friends because they don’t understand the issues you are going through. It’s more of that, “Girl, I would leave him if I were you” or “I don’t have time to be raising nobody”. It’s not about either of those things, sometimes you just need a friend to talk to. Your friends should never put you a place to where you have to choose between your husband/wife and them, but if they do; you know what to do.
Married Friends, Married Life
I mean what could possible be wrong with this situation right? WRONG! There are pros and cons for this as well. Yes having friends that have a mutual understanding can be great, but sometimes people look too much into what the other is doing.
Pros of Married Friends
There is nothing like having friends that understand the ends and outs of being married. You have someone on your team that you can tell issues to (to a certain point) and they don’t get judgmental like a single friend would. They understand marital issues and what comes with it. You may be mad at him one day and okay the next, and they get that. Being friends with other couples gives a little ease to those group date nights. Not having a third wheel tag along, knowing that someone is always there to have your back when your hubby tries to cheat in games (oh that’s just mine?), etc. You have friends that understand that sometimes plans have to be changed due to family issues, it doesn’t always work the way you want it to.
Cons of Married Friends
We sometimes get jealous of our friends and tend to want what they have. Looking at our friends marriage and seeing all that they are doing and have going on can make someone want more than what they have. I mean we’ve all had times where we thought or said, why can’t you do such and such like whatchamacallit husband or wife. That’s normal I believe, but when it gets to a point where it’s an obsession. We’ve seen it or heard a friend whose like this. Your marriage is your marriage. It’s not meant to be like anyone else’s marriage.
So Friends or naw?!
Pros and cons are in everything we do in life. But let’s make sure that we are basking more in the pros than the cons in everything. Remembering that in the end, it’s up to us to realize the truth. Being open with your spouse is something we should all strive to do. Friendships can bring ease or hurt. They are a part of life. You win some and you lose some. Just make sure you make those decisions with your life partner.