So, I have kind of talked the hubby into doing this post with me. More like begged and pleaded and put a guilt trip on him. We will be answering questions that I have seen other people want to know the answer to, what we feel people should ask, and more. Yep you guessed it, it’s a post about #relationshipgoals.
We have couples that we look up to. I have plenty that I can reach out and touch like our parents, friends, etc. BUT the main relationship goal is ourselves. It’s great to see others being happy and having something to look forward to is great, but you aren’t them. Their love for each other isn’t your love for each other. Financially ya’ll are and will always be different, so don’t judge their lifestyle. Sharing your life is amazing, I mean who doesn’t want someone to see how great their significant other is, but sometimes it’s not all glitter and rainbows.
I recently watched “Black Love” and it was the absolute truth. It shared the joys and pains of relationships that most don’t share on social media. Getting down and dirty on the truths that some people don’t see in those relationships that consider goals.
This will be fun, entertaining, and informative. I, hopefully we, hope you enjoy. My answers will be under KR, and his will be RR.
Q: Okay so let’s start off easy, who would be your #relationshipgoals?
KR: We have plenty of relationship goals around us. The first I would say are our parents. They have both been married 20+ years. They have shown us what working together and making sure everyone was well cared for despite the obstacles they may have faced. In a time when black love isn’t as common, young black love is even rarer. Our friends Andrzej and Kimeka are inspiration to me. They have no problem blessing others in different ministries. To see others our age striving is amazing.
RR: Honestly I don’t look to celebrities as goals, I need people I can talk to and reach if I need to but my relationship goals would have to be Major and Linda McNeil. All of their kids are doing great things and now that they are empty nesters they are living life to the fullest.
Q: What was your first impression of me?
KR: The first day we met, I didn’t pay any attention to you at all. But after the message I did notice that you were attractive.
RR: I thought you were cool and appreciated you for coming to talk to the students.
Q: When did you realize you wanted to marry me?
KR: Honestly I didn’t think you wanted to marry me, so I tried not to think about it. Although we had conversations about marriage I just felt like it wasn’t something that was going to happen. I loved being with you. I mean we spent every day the first two months actually seeing each other. Somewhere in the weeks after finding out about Bailey I think it hit me that it could happen and I wouldn’t be upset whatsoever if you asked me.
RR: I’m really not for sure. One day I woke up and said this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Q: We didn’t move in together before we were married, why did you want to keep your own space. Even though you had a child together?
KR: A. I was not crazy, I was pregnant. B. I do think it was because we did need space from each other, we were still getting to know each other. C. If things didn’t work out I needed to make sure we both had places to go.
RR: Cause you were crazy and I needed a place I could go cool off when we needed a break from each other.
Q: Okay, something fun. Who is my celebrity crush?
KR: Anybody old. Ya’ll hide your moms and grandmas, cause he loves older women. I’m trying to think of someone you really just crush on now. I know of your crushes growing up, but if I had to say someone it would be Mrs. Owens from the church and LaLa Anthony.
RR: Channing Tatum
Q: What is my favorite movie?
KR: Goonies, Hocus Pocus, and The Christmas Story
RR: Miss Congeniality
Q: What inspires me?
KR: You are self-inspired. You have a go getter brain that allows you to want certain things and use resources around you to get what you want.
RR: I think you get inspired by others that are around you and their success and it ignites a fire in you to want to do better.
Q: What is your parenting style? What do you feel is my parenting style? Do you think they mesh?
KR: You are more permissive with a touch of authoritative style. All of the kids pretty much get their way with you and they know it.
RR: You are strictly authoritative, and it’s hard for you to be that way because Bailey comes to others around her to get around you.
Q: Who said “I Love You” first?
KR: I don’t remember, but probably me.
RR: You did, I’m not with that mushy stuff
Q: What do you see as my best feature?
KR: Your hardworking mindset. You work hard so that we can have everything we need and want.
RR: You are very creative and determined, you can turn trash into treasure.
Q: Who is more sexual? More romantic?
KR: Me. Hands down. But when he does, it’s special.
RR: You are!
Q: What is one thing you have learned about me since we have been married that you didn’t necessarily realize before?
KR: You don’t necessarily stop communicating because you don’t care about the topic. You stop communicating to make sure that the issue is handled correctly. That you aren’t saying something because your mad, but more so to allow the tension to die down.
RR: You really believe in the concept of family and doing things as a family more than I thought. You like starting your own traditions and sticking them.
Q: If you could describe yourself in three words?
KR: Passionate. Caring. Stubborn.
RR: Determined, Care-Free, and Spontaneous
Q: How do I show appreciation for what you do? How would you like for me to show appreciation?
KR: You are somewhat vocal, but you tend to show appreciation via pampering. You tend to allow me more self-care in recent months. I would love for it to continue, but the little notes or sayings on how you feel are amazing to me because it’s you sharing your feelings.
RR: You show me you care by doing little things around the house that I would normally do or by planning romantic date nights.
Q: In what way have I met your expectations?
KR: You have met my expectations by allowing us to grow with each other. We are constantly evolving and you are more likely to flow with it than I am.
RR: You have been an awesome mother, often times when couples have kids prior to the relationship it’s hard on the relationship but I must say that all of our kids love you and I know you love them just as much.
Q: Why do you think marriages don’t happen or don’t last in the black community?
KR: We have so many that have been without a mother or father and sometimes both. They haven’t been able to see what others have seen. They don’t necessarily understand the dynamics of being with someone forever. We lived in a time where if the parents weren’t there the grandparents raised the children. My child is living in a generation where most of the grandparents are younger than my parents and they still want to live life. We also tend to laugh/play about people working on their relationships and spending time with their significant other instead of their friends. Especially young men. We have to realize in order to build the relationship to get you to marriage you have to take time for it.
RR: Marriage is so much different from what it was “back in the day” this is the era of Independence and people feel they can have the “American Dream” without the traditional marriage.
Q: Are wedding song was “Couple of Forevers”, what song fits our marriage now?
KR: Justin Timberlake – “Can’t Stop The Feeling”
RR: Julia Michaels-Issues (Bahahahahahahahahaha)
Q: What would you say is the best advice for those who are getting married or newly married?
KR: To attend premarital counseling. If the person in your church is too close one person and you feel they may be bias, go somewhere else. Some places even offer money from your marriage licenses if you do it. I believe it opened us up to be able to communicate with each other in the beginning better and they ask questions that you don’t always think to ask. Also learn to listen to each other, and make changes/decisions appropriately.
RR: Don’t let outside influences come in your marriage, stay true to yourselves!
Q: How is marriage life with children? How do you manage your marriage and being a parent?
KR: Children are a joy! But they also add to stress to any relationship. We love our kids dearly, but sometimes it’s hard balancing our lives with what they have going on. They are little adults that have the same issues we have, yet they don’t know how to control themselves. The important thing is to make sure that you spend time with both your spouse and your children. No, there aren’t enough hours in the day. But that’s what makes the time spent with them that much more. Scheduling time may have to be done, and let me be truthful it’s okay to schedule time. Our problem is trying to find alone time. Bailey doesn’t understand that sometimes we don’t want her in the room with us because we want to be alone. We should’ve laid more of a time out zone, but we love her for wanting to interrupt our time and be around us as well.
RR: Marriage with children is hard, I often get jealous because I see a lot of friends and family that are married and it seems as though they are doing the trips and having all the fun but then I realize I’m doing the same things. The trips may be a little different and the fun may involve being at Chuck E. Cheese but I’m where I need to be. Often times I put more emphasis on Daddy/Daughter dates rather than dates with my wife but I’m learning to be present in the here and now. I try to do things together that I used to do separately.
Q: What do you feel I have taught you to make your life better?
KR: To relax, I’m more of a plan everything and you are so spontaneous and go with the flow type of person. It’s still irks me beyond measures at times, but not as much as it used to.
RR: You have really made me a bit more responsible and to pay attention to details in all aspects of life!
I hope you have enjoyed our mini Q & A! Don’t forget to hit the subscribe button!