As a wife and mom there are certain stressors that we have that come naturally. As a black woman you can add a layer of stressors on. We are still facing a pandemic that adds a layer on top of that. And like many during this pandemic, I’m without a job. And have been for a few months. Guess what?! The load is getting heavy.
The ability to have had the chance to work from home for a year has settled and many of our spirits. When I first began my job search I understood my worth, but only partially. I’ve worked hard and for the majority of what many make, I was doing well. But what I didn’t realize was I moved to a state that doesn’t and won’t necessarily pay my worth, or what I configured as my worth. I was (and still am) putting in applications left and right. I don’t think I’ve ever been on LinkedIn, Glassdoor, Indeed, and the list continues as much as I have in the last 4 to 5 months. I’m getting initial interviews scheduled and all. But I was getting them and either via email or still on the call was told I was over qualified for positions I was applying for. Did I know this? OF COURSE!! But hey I’ve been working since I was 16. My dad told me then once I started, I’d never stop. It wasn’t because my parents wouldn’t help me, but once you’ve started making money on your own, it’s different.
I remember having a zoom interview for a remote position. The lady and I were vibing and everything was going well. We get to the portion of do you have any questions, I said no. She says to me, well I do. She tells me I’m over qualified and this job would be mundane for me. With my skills set I should be asking for $10,000 more at least and depending on nonprofit vs corporate that amount should go up by $5,000 and certain states even more. She poured into me and let me know that what I knew I was worth was accurate and I should act accordingly. Her saying this lit a fire under me. I started being more assure? of myself and going after the position I second guessed initially. I haven’t gotten my yes yet but it hasn’t stopped me.
I haven’t been worried about bills being paid until recently. I know I can always go to my parents and they will assist on whatever because they are my parents, but I’m not at that point to ask even if frustration has set in. Today, the day that I wrote this blog I have been completely unsure of my journey this far, whether or not my design passion is what I’m supposed to do, if I should close my business down and move on, and much more. I have cried more today about those things than I have the entire time. BUT what I will say is even through my tears, I’ve still applied to jobs, I’ve still sat down and completed task that I need to do, and I still have my support system (my parents - who don’t know anything about these feelings, my husband, and a few friends). They have poured into me and have done everything they can to lift me up and to go through these things with me.
I said all of that and shared a little of my story to let you, the person reading the is know, don’t stop. It’s fine to cry! Hell snot and get red in the face as well. Call and make an appointment with a therapist, I am soon! It’s okay to be frustrated, sad, mad, angry, and any other feeling you may have. BUT what you can’t do is give up.